Rant
Every now and then, things just get a bit too much to hold your tongue, so here it is (with embarrassing bits)… then hopefully I’ll take a deep breath and enjoy Christmas.
When I first heard the phrase “I have MS but MS does not have me” I thought it sounded quite good but for some reason I didn’t really go for it - now I know why. When you feel the concrete on your palms and aftershock of that fall going right to your bones, it’s impossible to feel any degree of control, it’s just vile. I currently have bruising all down the back of my left arm and there was no concrete involved, that particular fall was in my bedroom of all places. My silliest fall was when I stood up from the sofa to say hello to my husband, I fell as soon as I tried to take a single step *cringe*
The bottom line is that MS impacts every element of my life, so I might call myself an MS warrior because I fight a daily battle… but I cannot simply say it doesn’t have me because it really truly does. It can’t simply be ignored, it affects even the smallest elements of my life and it is a daily battle, that’s that really! However, I learnt not to fight MS itself as it fights back even harder. I totally understand why people call it a MonSter – that’s one that I totally agree with!
Don’t panic, I’m not depressed, just a bit worn out. You have been warned though, I need to get some of this stuff off my chest.
Why do able-bodied people, not only think it’s alright for them to use a disabled toilet BUT they can’t use a hand-drier! So they have to use loo roll to dry their mitts, which they then chuck down the lavatory – a disabled person is quite likely to have mobility problems so wiping the seat is a nuisance…not only that but the loo needs a flush first for fear of blocking it. If like me and many others, urgency is an issue, flushing the loo and drying the seat is a time consuming nuisance – grrrr! I have my radar key now and wish more places had those locks. In fact, last time I worked in an office, I avoided the disabled loo because as the guys all thought it was a more comfortable place to go for a crap, ew!
I’ve had two accidents in public with a recent UTI and I cried after both, the embarrassment factor of wetting yourself is so much worse as an adult. I can confirm the first was cos the disabled loo was in use *sigh* the second was in a Michelin starred restaurant, classy bird me!?!
However, the phrase ‘self-catheterisation’ does not fit well in my vocab. so I will continue being as sensible as possible and hoping I can put that kind of stuff off for as long as possible. I had no idea quite how many things would be impacted when I was diagnosed. You think that the doctors are winding you up when they do one of the tests, you have to touch their fingertip and then your nose and they move their finger and they watch your eyes. Apparently I have Dyspraxia – which explains why I lurch like a drunk sometimes as my balance is rubbish. In the past I blamed a lot of the weird stuff on being naturally very clumsy.
Some of these things kind of creep up on you and fighting it just makes it worse. So combatting fatigue means I don’t plan too many social things, one event a week is a maximum for me. That way I don’t end up sleeping thru any social events.
At this point, I’m going to own up and say I should have written some notes… I have a shockingly bad memory now so I’ll wrap it up there. Onwards and upwards as they say. Therefore, I’ll wish all my loved ones a merry Christmas and the same to anyone that has a read.